I am participating in Kelly’s Korner “Show us your life” post, today is about infertility. This is such a difficult subject for me. I can rarely write about it without crying. I can sometimes touch on it quickly during conversations without losing it, but if the conversation gets more in depth, tears are sure to fall.
All my life I planned to have children. My life went very well in all areas except one. I went to college, continued on to Physical Therapy school, and after graduation got a job as a pediatric physical therapist. I bought my first new car, moved into my first apartment by myself, and brought home two cats. After about 10 years I bought my own home, fenced in the yard, and took in a stray dog. My life was full of family, friends, pets and many other wonderful things. I just never did well in the dating arena. I have never been a bar or nightclub sort. I tried various singles church events etc, but never had any luck. Finally I decided to give internet dating a try. Fairly quickly I met a great guy, but he was not sure that he wanted anymore kids (he had a daughter from a first marriage). I struggled with this, as I knew I wanted kids, but I also wanted love, and I finally decided that I did not want to give up the surety of a man I loved in the present for the possibility of children in the future, especially as I was 36 years old.
After much discussion, we decided to get married, and that he was okay to have a child if we got pregnant. We did not prevent pregnancy after that point, but I never got pregnant. For various reasons too complex to address succinctly here, we never pursued fertility treatments. So now I am left with the reality that we are childless not by choice (his daughter is out of high school, lives in Illinois, and has chosen to distance herself from us).
I have posted a few other things about infertility, and our specific situation.
This is one of my sweet kitties, her name is Lexi.