Life just seems to get in the way of the fun things sometimes. The past few months have been better, but for a while I was really struggling with a lot of stuff. It still comes and goes, but I think it will always be that way to some extent. I don’t really talk about this a lot, just to a few people, but for all intents and purpose I am childless not by choice. Can’t really say what caused it, neither I or hubby have ever been tested for anything. For various reasons we never pursued any testing or intervention. Adoption was not for us either.
So here I am, without kids. I never in a million years would have imagined that would be me, and it is really hard for me to deal with sometimes. I spend time reading various things online, trying to be happy with my life the way it is. But the stupidest things can come up and knock me for a loop. A week or two ago, I was looking at some comments on a friend’s Facebook page. One of the profile photos looked familiar, and after looking at that person’s page, I realized that I know her husband through a group that my husband belongs to, and that I had met her at a party. I texted my friend to ask her how she knew this person, and she writes back “from my mommy’s group.” For some reason that just really hit me hard. Why does she get to be a mommy, and I didn’t??
I just try to pick myself up over and over again and remind myself that although it has not turned out the way I visualized, I don’t have a bad life. Actually it is a good life, a lot better than a lot of other people have.
So, that is some of the stuff that has been swirling around in my head. I will try to get to some fun crafty posts in the next day or two.